Operation Transfer Girl

"You are lucky you came to see me today. He is working late today" she said and peered out the window as she was sipping her coffee. "His office is on the other side of the city darling" I rolled my eyes. I took the tea bag out of my mug. It has been soaking in there for a while now, the liquid was dark, just like her eyes. "What are you afraid of? I know he doesn't like me, after how our friendship has ended, but that was years ago, he must..." "You don't understand, there is no point arguing with him, he just doesn't see why I should keep contact with you. I will just tell him I had my lunch break with Tiff." I had just turned up at her office 20 minutes ago and convinced her to have coffee with me. It was a sudden idea, I was in the neighbourhood and after all, we had history, we were friends back then. "Do you still travel a lot?" she changed the subject nervously. Another sip from her coffee, even though it was stil...

If they treat you as an option,                                                 be their best opportunity missed. If they treat you as a chance,                                                 be their best decision made. Moo.

As I am one "have a great day!" Spotify playlist and a borrowed vape away from having my daily breakdowns, the familiar bittersweet feeling of burnout starts to fill my lungs again. I must be short fused you say, I just had 3 months of no work but that ain't this easy. Partly, it had made it even worse. While being on furlough with high functioning depression did its damage, I also managed to recharge a lot. I didn't know I will start caring again so much about work, it's not like I planned it this way, okay? But I do. And caring about something you convinced yourself to let go, putting your 110% effort in before giving it all up is quite frankly 1. exhausting 2. unappreciated 3. stupid. But I guess I have never been the smart one.

Alright, I have a confession to make. I have become one of those people. I have a day planner. And I take it with me. Everywhere. If you are wondering what is that one item I keep in my bag all the time, then now you know, it is my academic diary. I did, in fact, leave my purse at home the other day accidentally, but not the diary. If you call me to arrange a meeting with me, I would be quoting Tilly from Miranda (the show), and you would hear " bare with " at least three times, while I grab my planner from my bag. If you ask me about my availability by text, I might as well just send you a picture of the questionable week. But without a diary, how would I know, which job to turn up to, or if my training starts at 15 or 30 past. Or if it is the kind of lecture you can turn up to hangover, or in pyjamas. Or both. I mark the dates when student finance comes in, with the amount and a smiley face, and mark the days of rent with the amount and a big-big sad face. I write ...

Az utcak sokkal tisztabbak, mint ahogy emlekszem. Az emberek sokkal koszosabbak. ✳✳✳ Anno nem volt buntudatom, hogy nem adtam a keregetoknek, nem tudtam mibol. Ma mar nyulnek a zsebembe , de alig hiszem, hogy egy par fonttal sokra mennenek. ✴✴✴ Jelenleg abban a statuszban vagyok, hogy meg fel tudom sorolni a 4-6os megalloit. De mar nem erzem reflexbol, hogy melyik oldalon nyilik az ajto. ✴✴✴ Az utcan setalva mindig "turista vagy budapesti"-t jatszom. Majd elgondolkodom. Ha mas is ezt jatszana, engem hova sorolnanak? ✴✴✴ Az en idomben a "csak par forintot adjon" is eleg volt. Ma mar a "batya, batya, vona ket kiloja?" hangzik. Mikor legutobb csekkoltam, a kilo ezres volt, de lehet, hogy a szleng tudasom elavult. Vagy a "par forint" erteke. Egy masik legalabb oszinten inditott. Azt mondta, sorre kell. Hat en is azt vettem belole. ✴✴✴ A Deak ter uresen all. Vagy mindenki szigeten van, vagy Horvatorszagban....

It's been 3 years. At the start, I came to visit when I had time away from uni. Then I didn't have time. Then I didn't feel like it. Now I am back. Walking on the streets of Budapest. For the first time in the last year and a half. I am stranger to my own motherland. Like a tourist in my home country. I look at the buildings I used to walk by daily, like I have never seen them before. I wonder when were they built. Who designed them, what did they look like when they were new. I look at the architecture and I admire it. I look at the view from my window and it still startles me day and night, overseeing to the other side of the river. I watch the television, I walk in the crowd, sit down in the park and just listen. My head gets dizzy from the noise of the city, it's full of people shouting in Hungarian, and I still raise my head every time I hear someone speaking next to me, as if Hungarian would be so rare. But not here, obviously. Just to me, it is. I feel like I wa...

Dear Arthur, As I am getting closer and closer to the end of yet another period of my lifetime, I often evaluate the things I have learnt and gained from these experiences. Spending a year in Bristol for my placement was mostly supposed to be about my profession, about work and learning about my industry. It was also an opportunity to meet new people. I made two different types of acquaintances, I made connections, the ones useful for my future, and I made friends. But is it possible to become friends in such short time? Is time really relevant to the quality of friendship? You will see, soon enough, what really is important and what isn't; though I assume it can be different for each person. For me, all those little things count. Having common interests and being able to spend time together sometimes aren't the aspects that make a friendship truly meaningful. But knowing those little things about each other, showing that the other's personality is interesting an...