About their expectations vs ours #1

 I met my partner at the highlight of my self-confidence and what I consider to be my best potential. It was the end of lockdown 1, when I had two whole months to work on myself, both mentally and physically with no interruptions, no time limit, no pressure. I was my skinniest, strongest, I had finally made the leap and dyed my hair, which just made me feel like a badass. I was experimenting with more glamorous make-up and outfits. I could live out my creativity on the numerous projects I had going on at once. And let's admit, I was going through a glow-up after a heartbreak.

So all in all, when we met on the 1st July, on the day I first returned to work, I was fit. I was already stressed and worked up after less than 8 hours of the job, but I looked amazing in my little denim skirt, pink crop top; making way-too-much glitter work as if I just got off a photoshoot for a fashion designer. That's the me he first ever got to see in person, took on one, two, three dates.

Six months, many dates, dinners out, 2 lockdowns, 1 Christmas, and plenty of stress with the backlash of no exercise later, I am back to my pre-glow-up-self. I gained back all I lost in weight, I lost my strength, I hardly put make-up on. Hell, I only brush my hair when I leave the house and that's not often, we are in lockdown, after all. I have hidden my mirrors in my room so I don't have to see myself like this, because I know I can look better. I just don't have the need, the excuse, nor the chance for it. Knowing who and how I can be and not doing my best at it is more difficult than before, when I didn't know, how skinny, strong, well-painted, sparkling I can be. And he also knows, so part of me is always worried that he is now missing that me. Yet, he still looks at me the same with sparkles in his eyes, holds me the same, as he did back then. Still loves me the same.

And currently feeds me chocolate, while we are sitting in bed and I am writing this post, with no judgement.