About 2020
2020 was a pretty horrendous year, that's no news.
Many horrible things happened, I have been lucky enough that me and my family have not been struck by coronavirus. Lucky, or sensible? Could the majority of people have avoided the devastation by being more careful? I can't and won't judge that. And as the self-centred person I am, this is about me and my year. Not a BBC news recap.
2020 was a pretty horrendous year, that's no news.
I haven't been to Hungary since February. I have barely seen my relatives this year. I have been furloughed, leaving me and my messed up mind to my own devices. This is because my workplace shut. The once thriving and overbooked hotel was empty. Then when it reopened, it struggled, it changed, it was hurting, the team reduced, closed, opened, closed, half opened - changed. And it still hasn't settled. It's uncertain. My career, on hold. Had three amazing job opportunities this year. All three, disappeared. One came back. I stepped aside. Watched it disappear again. To get a different position? Impossible. Tried entering a new career path, one I worked really hard for - but failed over and over again. Sometimes tried really hard, sometimes just out of habit. Sometimes I just left it. Now we wait. I found out I suck at driving. Never wanted to do it anyway. I loved. I loved a lot and hard. First time, was big time. Fell big time, hurt big time. Then I loved again, myself. Like never before. That was hard. Big time. Then I fell again, even harder. But I fell upwards. And it keeps going. By now, I am over the moon. Have been for a long time. I'm not untouchable, but I am safe. Wasn't always, all year. I have been drugged on a party. That's a first - that I know of. My friends have been hurt a lot too. It was hard to be there for them. Cookie has been to the vets this year. Twice. He also got stuck on a roof, once. I have been kicked out my home. I moved to another house. Now I am waiting to move to a home again, in six long months. I lost some friends in the process. I have also lost motivation to pole. I have gained then lost strength. I achieved a lot, then I watched it all fade away. I studied a lot, for no use. I bettered myself, to remain stuck. I have experienced pain and hurt like never before, and relapsed. There was also a pandemic.
2020 was a differently great year. That is news.
I have never felt this close to my relatives. We talk much more, we value each other a lot more. The time I have spent furloughed started out scary. But it allowed me to have time to work on myself. To do things for myself, to detach myself from work, in a way you are meant to on your days off. That, I was never able to do. Not even on holiday. I had time to discover hidden passions, to create new habits and give myself a routine. I learnt a lot. I rested a lot. I improved myself. Became stronger. Realised my potential. Although I wasn't able to keep it up. Now I know, what I can achieve, when I put my mind to it. That I am able, and time, energy and my mind are the only obstacles. After all these years, I finally started driving. I suck, but I persevere. It's hard to accept it, but I persevere. I had the chance to just hang with my cat, making our bond even stronger. He is just snoozing next to me now. I have learnt to love this year, big time. When that ended, I was richer, richer by the knowledge of what it should feel like, of what I want and what I deserve. Knowing how I want to be loved. It hurt. And then it hurt later again. Still, it was a success story. Because from that, I knew how to love myself. And I was able to recognise the love that I deserved. From me, and from others. And now I am happy. Over the moon. When you know, you know. I am grateful. Wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change missing those promotion opportunities. Both would have taken me away from here. Then I wouldn't have had the chance to fall again, but upwards. So I am grateful, for the pandemic. And for 2020. It sorted me out. In every way, but the one I have focused on for the last 3 years the most. And career is only one piece of the puzzle. That will happen. Maybe in 2021. Until then, all the other pieces can fall into place.
2020 wasn't at all that bad.
Though, the pandemic does really suck.
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