Operation Transfer Girl

When sh*t hits the fan, everyone reacts differently. Some will leave the sinking ship. Some will lurk in the background to wait out their moment. Some will shift to the other side and betray all they had believed in. And some of us will try to just somehow put up with it. Not because we want to. Not because we can. But because we must. But what happens when all method, all routine known to oneself fails to get you over it. When you try everything that has ever occurred to you let it be legal or not. When the exercise does not take your mind off of things, when the cake doesn't taste as good, when the cut just can't be deep enough to hurt, when the drunkenness is just bitter sweet and when the shoulders you need the most are not there to cry on. When there is nothing that shouts: you need to survive. Do you know what you do then? You get your f*cking act together and take your fabulous self back in the front line. Not just because you must. But because you can and you bloody w...

As someone who is likely to worry too much -  To consider the options one can say. To consider all the outcomes of each option. To rephrase it a billion times. To write a whole novel, then to delete it. To think of a good comeback for all the possible answers. To do the whole thing all over again. To go mad and anxious. Then to realise, there is the option of silence. Why to sweat it, when to stay out of the way is so much easier? It is a statement. Like it can be done just like that. To stay quite and have all those worries come back. Should of said anything? All the right things come to mind at this point. All the reasons to speak up. The head just gets filled with anxiety, what ifs, anger and desperation. To realise, the silence can go unnoticed so easily. To realise, it is possibly the bitchiest move. To realise it wasn't even heard. Then to notice, all this time, just been silly. There is probably nothing wrong. It is just in the head. And the longer the thoughts ...

Sometimes I am worried I might be schizophrenic . But then I just tell myself there is nothing wrong with us . ***